Random Post 1- Enlightened

I can honestly, and confidently say that this week has been one of the most hectic weeks of this semester (And, we are only on the 3rd week...). Normally, I base everything on optimism. If I'm optimistic, everything is going to be alright, right? There is always that bright spot on the sphere of life, even when its spinning out of control. Yet, what most disappoints me is that this week, I seem to have utterly forgotten how to be optimistic. Upon suffering unbearably through hours, upon hours of mathmatics, I truly felt as if life was being sucked out of me slowly and the light that continuously brightens my life has dimmed considerably. Literally, I could feel the pain rush though my mind as the convoluted word problems and alien functions hauntingly riddiculed me as I stared at them blankly. I can't wholly understand why, but I have this fear of math. It's the intimidating shadow that I can't seem to face up to. It not only intimidates me, but it reminds me of an abyss. Many of my most (maybe even all) of my most difficult academic trials have been mainly in math. When I begin solving problems, (or at least attempting painfully to solve them) I feel as if I've been pushed into that abyss, and I'm falling into the dark depths, my hands unable to grasp the sides to stop my plunge. Yet, as I say all this, I can also say that I feel ashamed that I am openly declaring what I call a blantant sign of defeat. But, as much as it may seem as a declaration of defeat to me (and possibly you), it is not. It is what will strengthen my perseverence and tenacity to succeed. Yes, I may have stated my fears clearly, I may have deeply written about my difficulty, and there just might be a hint of loathing for the numerical world, but all in all, there is also the retrospection this peice of writting has given me. In retrospect how I percieve math and how I feel it affects me, I have been enlightened. The possibility of being defeated only makes me want to fight back harder. I shall not, will not, and absolutily cannot fail. I will grab onto those walls of the abyss and I will climb out. I will overcome the shadow I call my nightmare, and in the end, it will not be the one to riddicule me, because I will be the one who will riddicule it for assuming it can take over my life.